I was talking about the blog with my boyfriend - technically, he is my husband, but boyfriend is so much more fun - while we were on a date the other night. We were talking about the marriage relationship series that Melinda and I have been working on - Eight Ways to Reconnect With Your Spouse - and he was telling me that he thought I had missed the mark on my first post about kid swap. Sadly, he had a few really good points about how my post was lacking. So, with that said, I think I would like to makeover my post from last Thursday.I would like to make-over my way too wordy, step-by-step explanation of how to do a Kid Swap. My boyfriend thought that the name kid swap said it all. So I went back and reread the post and I think my post sounded like I was explaining a ground-breaking new concept to fifth graders, for which I can not be too sorry because I help put food on the table by explaining ground-breaking new concepts to fifth graders. Yep, I am a fifth grade teacher, so I apologize if my posts sound as though I am talking to a bunch of children. I don't mean to do that...
I would also like to make-over my lack of personal perspective as to why kid swaps are so important to reconnecting to your spouse. To do that, I need to take you back to the second weekend of October 2009. My husband (notice, husband - not boyfriend) and I decided to allow his parents to watch the little ones and we took off for a much needed weekend get-a-way. It had been a very long time since we had gotten to go away without the kids, let alone even had a few hours away from the kids. The weekend had everything that a perfect weekend could possibly offer including tickets to the watch the Ohio State Buckeyes put the hurt on the Wisconsin Badgers. What it didn't have was any decent conversation. My husband and I found we just weren't 'clicking' when it came to having any quality conversation - in retrospect, I think we both would say it was sorta like having a first date with someone. After we were home for a few hours and back to reality, we sat down and discussed our weekend.
We both had a good time, but realized we were out of practice with engaging each other one-on-one without the distractions of the kids or presences of other peers. It was then that we realized the importance and necessity of more frequent dates. It makes the chemistry works better. It makes that ‘click’ happen that was missing with our weekend. It provides some actual foundation to relating with each other. Listen, we could have ended this weekend saying, "wow, what a great game, right?" and left it that, which probably happens more often in relationships these days than we know (including in our own), but I don't want ten or fifteen years from now to be an empty-nester and not have anything to say to my husband, or worse yet, I don't want to end up as one of those terrible statistics of married for twenty plus years and now divorced. What a tragedy that would be.
So, knowing that we are currently a one income household and babysitters are not in the budget, we decided that the kid swap was the only way we were going to be doing any dating, and well, you know the rest... we asked our friends if they would like to kid swap. This past Friday, we got to watch their kids while they went on a hot date to Wasabi. It is nice to have that time once a month with my boyfriend, but it was also nice to know our friends were doing the same thing to take care of their relationship.
Well, that is it for my blog post makeover. I have said it before, and I will say it again - Girlfriends With Grace is all about relationships. I hope my post today helps explain the importance of my relationship with my husband and how vital quality time with him is to the longevity of our marriage. I also hope that I have clarified why kids swaps, while not a ground-breaking new discovery, can benefit your relationship with your spouse. Most importantly, I hope my post makeover encourages my Girlfriends evaluate the amount and quality of time they are spending with their husbands.
Your Girlfriend, Michelle
I know what you mean. With mine 11 and 15 the empty nest thing is getting closer and closer. We do get to do more "dates" and they are nice. But it is a wake-up call when you're sitting across the table just the to of you and you're trying to come up with something to say. Oh, and if it's a place that doesn't have tv everywhere it's even harder. Seems that talk always comes back to kids and finances. We did an overnighter in Zoar, it was great. Learning new history gave us a talking point and something to start off of. You would think that after being with him 24 years (20 married) that we would have lots to talk about - we reminice a lot about memories from the past. Makes me feel like I'm in my 70's but it is a talking point.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you said this. I have often wondered after sitting across the table from my husband with nothing to say "Do other people feel like this?". (Do not analyze my punctuation while I'm thinking out loud you teacher you:))We are always talking about his work or the kids and if we make those topics off limits it seems like there is nothing left. We have however found a common interest, hobby that we enjoy together that makes time together fun. We enjoy going to wineries and learning about wine. It's fun and let's face it after a glass of wine every one feels more chatty.I just watched The Bachelor on DVR before I read this and when I watch I find myself thinking how contrived it seems. On these fabulous helicopter rides and hot tubs with champagne and strawberries who couldn't help but feel romantic with anybody. I think the take away is doing something new, fresh. Something you haven't tried before together to allow you to see a new side of each other or appreciate a quality they have always had that you can see in a new way. My kids have been having sleepovers with grandma and Nana every now and then lately and it has been good for them to bond with them and for us to have a little kid free time. You have really got me thinking on what I can do that is fresh and new and maybe also cheap. I think maybe a new blog topic for next week;)
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