Eight Ways to Reconnect With Your Spouse #4

When I was first married, a girlfriend gave me a book and told me I had to read it. She said it really helped her and her husband to better understand one another. I decided to read it, hoping it would help me understand this man I just said "I do" to. I was pleasantly surprised when reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I quickly shared it with my new husband, and we both thought it made sense.

If you are not familiar with this book, let me give you a quick overview. The premise of the book is that we all speak one of five love languages. Sometimes we have a mixture, but for most of us, we lean towards a certain love language. The challenging part is that we normally communicate with our spouse in our love language, not theirs. This causes a problem and a breakdown in communication. We can grow apart and tend not to communicate at all because we may feel like our spouse is not hearing us. The solution is to figure out your spouses love language and your spouse knowing your love language - then communicate with one another in the love language you each understand best.

The 5 Love Languages with some simple examples are:
1. Words of Affirmation- telling your spouse how special they are
2. Quality Time- spending time with one another and focusing on your spouse
3. Gifts- giving presents and special mementos
4. Acts of Service- helping with things at home
5. Physical Touch- holding hands or rubbing their back

My husband and I quickly discovered that our love languages were not the same. My love language is Acts of Service and his is Gifts. I realized that I was becoming frustrated with him because I would show acts of kindness to him (laundry, dishes) and he could really not care less about my acts of service. Worse yet, he didn't return the favor. I would make comments like "Don't you care if our house looks like a barn?" He would just laugh and tell me to quit overreacting. What!?! Did he not see that the messy house around us was bothering me? He did, so he would bring me little gifts or write me sweet notes, (his love language, blah! )but I just wanted him to pull out the vacuum (my love language). See what I'm talking about? I am not big on giving gifts and he does not always see the need to vacuum or clean, but we both understand now that it is important to the other one.

My husband and I try hard to speak each others love language because it is a small way to show each other you care. It is not easy, but communicating with your spouse the way they best communicate can help you avoid many sleepness nights trying to figure out 'what his problem is' or 'why doesn't he understand me'?

This weekend, I encourage you to think about your spouse and yourself. What love languages do you speak, and are you speaking the right language to each other? If you both speak the same language, you are lucky! If not, step up and try to speak their language. You will be happier if you do!

Make it a great weekend with your spouse!

Melinda