Eight Ways to Reconnect with Your Spouse #3

You've finally lined up a sitter for the kids, made dinner reservations, and dressed up for a night out. Trouble is, you can't think of a conversation topic that doesn't involve the kids, work, or bills. Lucky for you, this girlfriend has your back - conversation starter cards might be the answer to your dialogue distress. Just pick a few of the questions that you think you and your husband would enjoy discussing, and print them out, stick them in your purse, and when your discussion starts to drag, whip out your cards and voila – instant conversation.

A few conversational pointers - the key to a good conversation is asking open-ended questions. Don’t ask these questions expecting a certain answer in return. Most importantly, really listen to what your spouse has to say. You might learn something new that can improve your relationship. I know I did.

1. Name something you've never done but would like to try. Why does it appeal to you? What's kept you from trying it?
2. If someone offered us an all-expenses-paid second honeymoon anywhere in the world, where would you want to go and why?
3. What kind of volunteer work do you think you'd be especially well suited for?
4. Tell me about someone outside of your family who impacted your life as you were growing up.
5. Do you know your spouses favorite things? Favorite home cooked meal, dessert, way to relax, or favorite city to visit?
6. What would you do if you won $1 million?
7. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?
8. If you could store up only one hour’s worth of memory in your mind, which hour of our marriage would you want to remember?
9. When do you feel most loved?
10. In your opinion, what makes a great parent?
11. What are five essential values we want our children to embrace above all others?
12. What can we do as a couple to change the world in which we live?
13. What goals would you like us to accomplish in our marriage in the next year? … five years? … ten years?
14. If you didn’t have to worry about making a living, what would you most like to do for the rest of your life?
15. What would you most like people to remember you for after you die?
16. What are the five things you are most thankful for in your life right now? What are some of the things you do to show this thankfulness?
17. Whose marriage do you most consider to be a model marriage? What is it about their marriage that you most admire?
18. Which holiday do you enjoy the most? Why that one?
19. Where do you want to live when we retire?
20. What accomplishment are you most proud of in your life?
21. What person, living or not, do you want to be like? Why?
22. What would be your favorite vacation spot?
23. What is your favorite attribute?
24. What do people most admire about you?
25. If you could do anything ‘fun’, what would that be?

You now have twenty-five reasons not to have a quiet evening with your husband. :o)

Your Girlfriend, Michelle

Makeover Monday...

I was talking about the blog with my boyfriend - technically, he is my husband, but boyfriend is so much more fun - while we were on a date the other night. We were talking about the marriage relationship series that Melinda and I have been working on - Eight Ways to Reconnect With Your Spouse - and he was telling me that he thought I had missed the mark on my first post about kid swap. Sadly, he had a few really good points about how my post was lacking. So, with that said, I think I would like to makeover my post from last Thursday.

I would like to make-over my way too wordy, step-by-step explanation of how to do a Kid Swap. My boyfriend thought that the name kid swap said it all. So I went back and reread the post and I think my post sounded like I was explaining a ground-breaking new concept to fifth graders, for which I can not be too sorry because I help put food on the table by explaining ground-breaking new concepts to fifth graders. Yep, I am a fifth grade teacher, so I apologize if my posts sound as though I am talking to a bunch of children. I don't mean to do that...

I would also like to make-over my lack of personal perspective as to why kid swaps are so important to reconnecting to your spouse. To do that, I need to take you back to the second weekend of October 2009. My husband (notice, husband - not boyfriend) and I decided to allow his parents to watch the little ones and we took off for a much needed weekend get-a-way. It had been a very long time since we had gotten to go away without the kids, let alone even had a few hours away from the kids. The weekend had everything that a perfect weekend could possibly offer including tickets to the watch the Ohio State Buckeyes put the hurt on the Wisconsin Badgers. What it didn't have was any decent conversation. My husband and I found we just weren't 'clicking' when it came to having any quality conversation - in retrospect, I think we both would say it was sorta like having a first date with someone. After we were home for a few hours and back to reality, we sat down and discussed our weekend.

We both had a good time, but realized we were out of practice with engaging each other one-on-one without the distractions of the kids or presences of other peers. It was then that we realized the importance and necessity of more frequent dates. It makes the chemistry works better. It makes that ‘click’ happen that was missing with our weekend. It provides some actual foundation to relating with each other. Listen, we could have ended this weekend saying, "wow, what a great game, right?" and left it that, which probably happens more often in relationships these days than we know (including in our own), but I don't want ten or fifteen years from now to be an empty-nester and not have anything to say to my husband, or worse yet, I don't want to end up as one of those terrible statistics of married for twenty plus years and now divorced. What a tragedy that would be.

So, knowing that we are currently a one income household and babysitters are not in the budget, we decided that the kid swap was the only way we were going to be doing any dating, and well, you know the rest... we asked our friends if they would like to kid swap. This past Friday, we got to watch their kids while they went on a hot date to Wasabi. It is nice to have that time once a month with my boyfriend, but it was also nice to know our friends were doing the same thing to take care of their relationship.

Well, that is it for my blog post makeover. I have said it before, and I will say it again - Girlfriends With Grace is all about relationships. I hope my post today helps explain the importance of my relationship with my husband and how vital quality time with him is to the longevity of our marriage. I also hope that I have clarified why kids swaps, while not a ground-breaking new discovery, can benefit your relationship with your spouse. Most importantly, I hope my post makeover encourages my Girlfriends evaluate the amount and quality of time they are spending with their husbands.

Your Girlfriend, Michelle